(Our little ninja. Don’t be afraid. The nunchucks aren’t real.)
The parent/child relationship just might be the greatest love story that exists. I could attest to this, even before I had a child. That love pulsed through my veins even when our child was just a dream on our family map.
After more than six years of trying, waiting, and praying, I received a phone call explaining that a mother in Michigan wanted to place her son for adoption … and she wanted to place him with us. Moreover, she was scheduled to have her C-section—in only one week.
Wait … what!?
Six weeks later, Ryan and I were back in Nashville with our beautiful son, Jayden Daniel. I was constantly smelling his skin, gazing into his eyes, and singing him to sleep. Pure bliss.
However, Jayden had failed his hearing screening at birth. This can be due to fluid within the ear canal as a result of the C-section, but only a follow-up hearing screening would provide more information. Four weeks after his birth, he repeated the test. Failed again.
“Ma’am, the next step is to schedule Jayden for diagnostic testing (ABR: Auditory Brainstem Response, measuring brain wave activity in response to sound) at Vanderbilt University for more definitive results,” the doctoral student stated.
The ABR performed by the doctors at Vanderbilt detected moderate to moderate-severe hearing deficiency in both ears.
Wait … is this final!? What do we do?
“Let’s repeat the test next week just to be absolutely sure the results are correct.”
Many prayers and tears crossed our paths that week. The second ABR commenced.
“Jayden has improved slightly. It looks as though he has, for the most part, left the severe range and both ears show moderate hearing loss.”
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart.”
Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV)
We suddenly had a long to-do list for Jayden: ENT doctor appointment. Hearing aid molds designed monthly. Hearing aid fittings. Early Childhood Development testing. CT Scan. Genetic testing. Learning sign language (all three of us). Yet another ABR test. Speech assessment in four months. Etc.
For the most part, Jayden couldn’t hear us, unless we were speaking loudly directly into his ears. He didn’t hear all the songs I sang to him the past several weeks. He couldn’t hear me when I told him I loved him and that we’d be best friends forever. As parents, our hearts break for our children. We don’t matter anymore. We gave up that “me” mentality the minute we held those tiny hands in ours. Possibly before.
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~ Will the hearing aids provide clarity, or will he just hear louder static?
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~ What about all the activities he won’t be able to do because of his hearing aids? Will he be able to swim safely?
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~ Will he be bullied because of his disability?
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~ As he gets older, how will he sleep safely at night without his aids, unable to hear intruders or alarms sounding?
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~ Will he ever clearly hear us tell him how much we love and adore him?
On top of all of these questions, I tried not to be angry, but I was. After all this time, fighting for a child to love … after all the years of consistent pain … why Jayden?
God Injection
Suddenly, I wanted God available in an injection format—similar to a vitamin B-12 shot, but a trillion times stronger. This would give me the energy and motivation to keep going. The faith to not doubt the unending uncertainty. And the wisdom to simply, know what to do. Doesn’t that sound appealing?
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you.”
Isaiah 41:10
I needed this shot, and I needed it now. I was running out of perspective. I was running out of positivity. I was simply … depleted.
Was this Challenge a Gift in Disguise?
Then I was reminded: About three years ago, I wrote an article similar to this topic (but from a different vantage point) called, “Are Our Challenges … Gifts?” I didn’t see it coming, but God had been preparing me and Ryan for years for this very moment.
Jayden was still perfection to us, and we loved him even more than we ever had, if that were even possible. That was never questioned, even for one second. But this challenge forced us to see things a little differently.
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~ Was it merely a coincidence that I wrote this article years ago?
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~ Is it a coincidence that I’ve worked in data management for IEPs (Individual Education Plans for students with disabilities) for eight years?
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~ Was it a coincidence that Ryan and I lived so close to Vanderbilt University, one of only thirteen specialized facilities in the United States able to give exceptional, individualized attention to Jayden?
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~ Did it just happen to be that Ryan and I randomly had the means to provide all of these necessary services?
Could all of this be a coincidence? Impossible. This was God, loving His son Jayden so much that He had it all planned out—the success of his steps—and who could help provide them.
“For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you,”
1 Thessalonians 1:4 (ESV)
We Would Be His Warriors
“The reality is that the Lord never calls the qualified; He qualifies the called.”
~ Henry T. Blackaby
The following words have repeated over and over in my head for weeks:
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~ It’s a compliment and a privilege to be chosen as Jayden’s parents—not just by his birth mom, but by God Himself.
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~ Something extraordinary will come from this.
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~ Be a warrior for Jayden. Fight for him, reflecting the example of how our Father fought for us.
* * *
Before lifting Jayden from his crib, I’ve always gently placed my right hand over his heart, and cupped my left hand around his head, ironically, over his ear. I’ve done this since day one—before I knew the road that lay before us. I like to think that Jayden now knows, even with his eyes closed and room silent, that with one hand on his heart and one his head, Momma’s here. Always.
Ryan and I are there to fight for his success over his disability. We’re there to fight for his heart. And we’re there to fight for everything in between.
What Are You Fighting For?
What cause pulses through your veins? What or who are you fighting for? Or rather, who in your life needs you to fight for them? To be their warrior. To refuse to quit.
Whatever/whomever this may be, don’t lose hope or momentum. Know that you were chosen to be here—right now. God designed this moment for you and you alone. Isn’t that truly amazing? No one else. Just you.
“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.”
1 Corinthians 16:13-14 (NIV)
Let’s do this. Let’s raise our arms, our hearts, and our voices for those that need us—for those that can’t do it themselves. The opportunity to be a warrior for those that we love is an honor. We can’t and won’t let them down.
“Being a warrior is not about the act of fighting, it’s about being so prepared to face a challenge and believing so strongly in the cause that you are fighting for that you refuse to quit.”
~ Richard Machowicz
* * *
I don’t know about you, but I think I just got my injection.
* * *
**Dedicated To: My Mom, Dr. Melanie L. Gramzow ~ The Best of the Best**
Nancy
November 3, 2016 at 4:36 pmAlicia
Your words fill my heart! You are and always have been a very special lady ! Loving with your whole being! Sending lots of love and prayers for all of you
asiadmin
November 3, 2016 at 9:32 pmThank you so much, Nancy ~ we truly appreciate it!
Kathryn
November 3, 2016 at 4:37 pmGod works in wonderful ways You three have be chosen to be where you are today to help and teach each other God will help Love you all
asiadmin
November 3, 2016 at 9:34 pmI agree, Kathryn ~ I’m already learning a ton from that precious little man! 🙂 Love you too!
Stefanie Kreger
November 3, 2016 at 4:38 pmThis is such a great blog! Your whole family is in my prayers – Jayden is a lucky little guy! What great parents you and Ryan are and your positive attitude is inspiring. God is so good. I love that you’re able to step back and see all of the puzzle pieces starting to fit together. Keep on being warriors on the front line and know that you have an army of people praying for Jayden behind you!
asiadmin
November 3, 2016 at 9:36 pmThank you, Stefanie! That army of people praying is appreciated, believe me!
Erica
November 3, 2016 at 4:52 pmYou are amazing!!! I love you guys!!
asiadmin
November 3, 2016 at 9:36 pmRight back at you, Erica! On both accounts!!
Mrs Z
November 3, 2016 at 4:56 pmYour faith is amazing Alicia! I’ve been worried about and praying for you. I should have known your faith in God would strengthen you! I do believe it was God’s plan for Ryan and you to be Jayden’s parents. What a blessed little boy he is to have you two as his warriors! Love & prayers, Mrs Z
Becky
November 3, 2016 at 4:57 pmTruly an inspired message. God placed Jayden with the most wonderful parents.
asiadmin
November 3, 2016 at 9:38 pmI’m so glad you enjoyed it, Becky. I promised his wonderful birth mom that I would do my best to make her proud of how we raise Jayden; I will keep that promise, if it’s the last thing I do!
Uncle Gary
November 3, 2016 at 5:24 pmAlicia, you are awesome; for three plus years I worked for a company caring for seniors. You are so right when you say , Know that you were chosen to be here—right now. God designed this moment for you and you alone. My daughter, Theresa has told me many times that “God has a plan for you Dad”. My comment used to be,”I wish He would let me in on that plan”, Since my time with the senors and experience of sharing and caring for them, I knew it was my Lord and savior who is guiding my spirit and giving me this opportunity to serve Him and these seniors. My brother Andy has told me that i come to the UP that this also is the Lords plan, so that I can help in forming our new Hope Lutheran Church in St. Ignace.
Thanks Alicia for your wonderful words- you are truly a woman of God, Blessings to you and your family–Love you.
“Uncle Gary
asiadmin
November 3, 2016 at 9:41 pmWow, I didn’t know you were doing all of that, Uncle Gary! I can’t wait to hear more about it sometime. Hopefully I can attend your church some day! Sending lots of love and big hugs back to you! And I’m so glad you enjoyed the article ~ thank you for your kind words!
Samantha
November 3, 2016 at 5:57 pmYou are amazing! This is a true inspiration. It is so odd how God works in us, with us, and through us when we don’t even realize it. You were mean to be Jayden’s parents. God placed that on his birth mother’s heart and made the way for it to occur.
Keep on keeping on – its the best we can ever do to shine our lights. Never give up!
asiadmin
November 3, 2016 at 9:42 pmThanks, Samantha ~ you’re so right. I promise to do my best to fight for that light to always shine. xo!
shaefer
November 3, 2016 at 6:24 pmThanks Alicia, You are correct, Jayden is perfect, fearfully and wonderfully made. He knows how much he is loved, he doesn’t need ears for that 🙂 Thanks for my injection!
asiadmin
November 3, 2016 at 9:54 pmPerfect ~ YES he certainly is!! 🙂 I can’t look at him for even one second without that passing through my mind. And you’re right — love doesn’t need to just be heard — there are a multitude of ways to show/express that; great point, Shaefer!
Marilyn
November 3, 2016 at 8:43 pmBeautifully written! Sounds like a start to a sequel chapter of Common Stones.
asiadmin
November 4, 2016 at 3:16 amI’d be lying if I said that hasn’t crossed my mind, Marilyn! 🙂
Vanessa
November 3, 2016 at 9:32 pmAmazing Blog! Thank you so much for sharing that with me and with everyone!
Thanks for the injection…I was in need of it
Xoxo
asiadmin
November 4, 2016 at 3:17 amThank you, Vanessa! And thank you for your support!
Heather
November 3, 2016 at 10:51 pmTears and more tears, but they are of Joy for you and Ryan and this new adventure that God has prepared for you. Jayden is remarkable and God’s plans for him are good and I am thrilled to see all He does thru Jayden and you and Ryan. Thank you for this post and for sharing this journey with me. I know your mom and dad are smiling at their beautiful daughter and her beautiful family! Love you, Heather
asiadmin
November 4, 2016 at 3:19 amYou just brought ME more (good:) tears as well, Heather. xo Thank you for saying that. We’ll do our very best, that’s for sure!! Love you too!
Sharon
November 3, 2016 at 11:36 pmThank you Dear Alicia for such beautiful words. Jayden, Ryan and our whole family are so blessed to have your words, your insights, your love surround all of us. Warriors we will be. Love 🙂
asiadmin
November 4, 2016 at 3:20 amMan, I love that, Aunt Sharon: “Warriors we will be.” I’m going to quote you moving forward, I hope that’s okay. 😉 Love you and thank you!
Elizabeth R
November 4, 2016 at 1:45 amWhen I heard about Jayden’s disability I had two primary thoughts. First, how can more challenge be handed to two of the most genuine, kind, caring people I know? And, second, that there must be a larger plan… That the two of you are specially equipped to help a child thrive and be happy despite starting off with a challenge.
Reading your words is inspiring, and
I’m so glad that Jayden has you and Ryan. And that you have him! Thank you for sharing.
asiadmin
November 4, 2016 at 3:24 amIt’s so hard not knowing that plan sometimes, Liz–I can’t lie about that. But we’ll just do our best to trust and be the best parents we know how to be in the meantime. That’s all any of us can do, right? Thank you to you and John for being great examples for us!
Amy
November 4, 2016 at 4:10 pmWow. This is beautifully put. God has that precious little Jayden right where he wants him- where he has been rescued and will be loved beyond measure. I just finished reading so many verses on giving justice to the orphan and rescuing the “helpless to deliver them from the grasp of evil people” (Psalm 82:3-4)- what a gift to be able to give Jayden a life he would never know without you. The other verse scrolling through my head as I read this is James 5:16- in that “the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective”. I don’t know what God’s plans are for that little boy- or you and Ryan- but I know they will be good- and I know if he wants to restore full hearing to those ears- he can do it. Praying for you guys- you are blessing so many people by sharing your heart.
asiadmin
November 7, 2016 at 8:02 pmYour words brought me some tears, Amy, I can’t lie–but good tears.:) My mother used to say these very words, “and I know if he wants to restore full hearing to those ears- he can do it.” Thank you for that!
Dale
November 4, 2016 at 6:31 pmBeautifully done. We will pray for Jayden and you and Ryan. So two angels Mel and Dan can touch yinz all and give you the strength. Love you.
asiadmin
November 7, 2016 at 7:46 pmThank you so much, Dale! Love you too.
Kathi
November 5, 2016 at 3:43 amYou and Ryan are a great example of loving caring parents. God chose you for Jayden He will continue to bless your new Family and provide for all of your needs. Thank you for sharing your story. God Bless!
asiadmin
November 7, 2016 at 7:45 pmThank you for saying that, Mrs. Sitek. God definitely has provided every time we were in need, and then some. Including providing support from great people like you! Big hug!
Aunt Kathy
November 8, 2016 at 10:50 pmAlicia. .you and Ryan were chosen by God to be his parents because of your faith and strength and your courage. What joy you three share. This reminds me of years ago when David was diagnosed with leukemia as an ifant and the strength of God’s love for us that remains with me today. .what a blessing the Lord has given us.
asiadmin
November 11, 2016 at 2:01 amThank you for sharing this with me, Aunt Kathy. You are an inspiration!
Jeni
November 11, 2016 at 6:33 pmI love your sweet heart. This is an amazing article. I can’t think of a better momma fit for the job to be Jayden’s warrior. You all are so blessed, and he is beyond beautiful. Keep on doing you and I have a feeling everything is going to turn out exactly how God planned.
asiadmin
November 16, 2016 at 2:10 amThank you so much, Jeni. I’ll do my best! 🙂